I used to think our experiences changed us; shaped up. I see it a different way now. I don’t believe our experiences change us, I believe they expose us to who we all already were; what we already had inside us. Knowing this has changed things for me. Why? Because there were some experiences that I was a little frightened of. My own darkness has often been a tantalising, enthralling part of who I am; finding tempting ways to draw me back to its abyss. I never thought I’d never be able to free myself of this insufferable pattern. I came to grips with the fact these experiences would continue to take hold of me, and swallow me – spitting me out as a different person each time. I know the truth now. The darkness would continue to draw me back, because there was a lesson in it for me.
I had to learn that the darkness was not some monster, tricking and compelling me towards suffrage. It was, is and always will be a beautiful part of who I am. Each time I danced with the devil, I was merely experiencing an aspect of myself I had yet discovered – and each time, there was more ground to explore and a deeper ocean to dive into. It was simply offering me an opportunity; an opportunity to really understand myself, to experience myself. I’m beginning to understand, the more I discipline my mind and the more time I sit with myself that our infinite nature is within us. That everything we experience beyond ourselves is simply a projection of our internal world. You, in this moment, are already all of your potential, you are already all the experiences you’ve ever had and are going to have. The joy of life is this beautiful perception of time. Time creates value. Without time, we would have no reason to compartmentalise all these many aspects of who we are, and experience them individually. Fall in love with them individual, until we ultimately find our way home to complete, unconditional self-love.