I was told when I was in acting school; “aspire to be extra-ordinary.” I think about it a lot. What does it mean? I have something that sits in the depths of my soul that craves and yearns for greatness – wants to be more, do more, see more, love more. Be greater. Sometimes it’s so intense that it’s suffocating – like a fire that nothing can calm, nothing can control – it sometimes feels like that passion burns me from the inside out – and treads a fine line between love and hate.
I think; which avenue will lead me to greatness? Which choices? Do I really want to be tied to the shackles of success for the rest of my life – or do I want to live free and leave it all behind? My heart often feels as though it’s in a war with itself. The grass always seems to be greener – and yet I yearn for contentment. I can be a walking contradiction. Is greatness a legacy? Something that will live for years beyond me? If it is, do I REALLY care about that? Or do I want to just live now and love to the fullest in each moment? Maybe adopting that philosophy will result in a legacy at the end any way.
Life has no roadmap, unfortunately. When you choose to live life authentically – and escape the drone of the crowds – there’s no set direction or blueprint to follow. It’s literally whatever you make it. That’s both extremely liberating, but EXTRA-ordinarly frightening.
I spend a lot of time in dream land, pondering these things (often forgetting that life to date has been filled with wins and ‘successors’) and come to the same conclusion. The conclusion that life is about loving. Loving with your art, loving the people in your life, loving yourself. AND, knowing this means you also understand that love DOES NOT compromise. Love stands up for the best possible idea for itself. It follows greatness; integrity and truth. Realising this, it feels easier to let go of how my greatness might look – and know that greatness isn’t a goal, it’s a way of life.