F***. Leadership. It’s haunted me forever. From a timid kid, being pushed to be a debater, public speaker and performer, to an insecure teenager who dreamt of being on the stage. To a freshman to adulthood being encouraged by the universe, to take on the world. I’ve felt like the pressures of leadership have taunted and mocked me, have never ever allowed me to “give myself a break” or make excuses for myself. This role of leadership has been so hard that at times, I’ve had to turn my back on things and people I love the most simply because I couldn’t get them to understand where I was at, or the unspoken pressures I’m confronted with in my life. It’s been a journey and a relationship with the universe that has been so intimate and unexplainable, that I find most people never see this aspect to me – but rather someone that’s “unaffected” by many of the situations that play out in my life.
It’s not EASY having to solider on, even when you’re wounded and at the brink of an emotional breakdown – but as a leader, you’re asked (by an unknown and unexplainable energy), to relinquish the need to be understood, to let go of what no longer serves the message you’re leading; to pack your bags and move on, and not feed an already damaging situations. It’s a journey that has left my insides in ruins, and yet I’ve still been asked to maintain a calm and collected exterior. I believe a leader is someone who is brave enough to step out and be someone that other’s are afraid to be. To give PERMISSION to people – many of who you may never even speak with – to be themselves. Although this journey of leadership incredibly valuable and rewarding, sacrifices have been a common thread throughout the journey.
Sometimes those with the hard exterior, and the ones that been effected most – and there’s a certain type of bravery that comes with being able to swallow that desire to speak up and make it about yourself, and continuing on for the greater purpose. This generates feelings of unresolved emotions and feelings, and a wounded emotional body. A leader is a special kind of person, and confidence is often misunderstood as arrogance. When you’re constantly being challenged beyond most people’s imaginations, it’s difficult to invest in the limited mindsets of others – even if you want to, it’s as though you’re constantly pushed to be more and do better.
Nothing can prepare you for this journey – and the humility comes with relinquishing the need to control, and the need to handpick those that will support you. It’s ironic that leaders are often seen as the ones who “control” everything – when in fact, it’s the process of surrendering to the bigger dream and destiny that creates true humility.